Leadership Presence Series – Post 6 of 16: Quality #2 – High Real Self-Esteem
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In 21 years of coaching, I’ve not met a leader – even high-flyers – who didn’t have a self-esteem deficit. Yet authentic presence demands strong, grounded self-esteem. Here’s why.
Introduction
If presence is a key to leading successfully – and it is – we need to understand it. So what is it? What’s so great about it? How does it show itself? What’s the source of presence? How do you develop it? That’s what we’re covering in this 16-part series.
Welcome to part 6: Quality #2 – High Real Self-Esteem.
What Is High Real Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem flows from your self-image – yourbeliefs about who you are, including your strengths, flaws, history, potential, and place in the world.
You could define self-image as the words that come after “I am…”
Your feelings about this self-image determine your self-esteem.
If your self-image is positive, your self-esteem will be high; if it’s negative, your self-esteem will be low. A person with high self-esteem feels:
- They matter, they’re significant.
- They can cope with life and make a difference.
- They are worthy of trust and love.
However, we’re not just talking about high self-esteem here – we’re talking about high real self-esteem. What does “real” mean? Three things:
(1) It’s genuine self-esteem. Some people act confident but lack genuine self-esteem. Under pressure, their insecurities show through behaviour like aggression, indecision, procrastination, nervousness, neediness, or even haughtiness. But people with high real self-esteem genuinely feel good about themselves even under pressure.
(2) Real self-esteem doesn’t rely on comparing yourself to others. There’s no need to feel superior. It’s rooted in inner security not external validation.
(3) It’s grounded not inflated. It’s a realistic self-view, meaning you can embrace your flaws without fear, shame or embarrassment or becoming inhibited.
Why It Helps Leaders
One, they’ll find it easier to understand, appreciate, connect with and motivate others.
Two, because they feel good about themselves, their fears have less of a grip, so it’s easier to respond flexibly to events.
And again, because they feel good about themselves, it’s easier to insulate themselves from others’ emotions when having to make unpopular choices because their self-image doesn’t depend on their followers’ opinions. So they’re more likely to make decisions that benefit others, not protect their image.
Questions for Reflection
To deepen your understanding of this quality, ask yourself:
- How much do I like myself?
- How much do I like and trust other people?
- How significant do I feel I am?
- How easy for me is it to admit weaknesses, flaws, fears or mistakes?
Next post in the series: Quality #3: Drive To Be More, To Grow
[This post uses content from my 2016 book, The Three Levels of Leadership.]
Are you a visual or audio-orientated person? If so, you might prefer to see and hear me talking about leadership presence in my eleven-episode video series on YouTube at my YT channel, The Leadership Mastery Suite. When you arrive at the channel page, scroll down until you come to Created Playlists and there you’ll find the series, “On Leadership Presence”.
